“The policy of Russia is changeless. Its methods, its tactics, its maneuvers may change, but the polar star of its policy, world domination, is a fixed star.” Karl Marx
Vladimir Putin has decided that he would like to ‘reset’ once again his relationship with The USA, so he has written a letter to his old friend George Bush.
How are things on the ranch? Have you had enough time to go hunting? There were rumors in some leftist newspapers here that you had begun painting. Why won’t they just let you enjoy your retirement? Everyone here at the Kremlin knows that you are too macho for anything except hunting, mountain biking, etc. I hear you have finished your library. If I’m ever in Texas perhaps we could visit it.
One of my friends at Gazprom, who uses the internet regularly (I have no time for such toys), told me that many media sources had shed negative light upon Russia. I thought I would explain our positions to you, and you could use your immense influence to put a positive spin on it.
A few months ago, our court system found a few young women guilty of hooliganism because they’d played protest songs in a very austere church. We are a Christian nation (similar to, but different from, the USA) and cannot have such blatant flaunts upon such sacred grounds. Russia’s whole history has been intertwined with the Orthodox Church, we must not allow ourselves to go the way of the decadent Germans, or even worse, the Scandinavians. The protests were not the problem, it was the venue-please explain this to your American friends.
In fact, we have made protesting easier. The issuance of permits has been streamlined. No protesters who have had any contact with outside forces, whether through such evil sites as Facebook or Twitter, will be allowed to demonstrate. You would agree that such ‘social media sites’ are a hinderance to the truth. This has been on display throughout the Arab World for the last few years. There is no way that such a family-run business like Syria, which has enjoyed years of peace except when attacked by the Jews, should be thrown out on such whimsical blather. Perhaps we have been a bit behind the curve and should increase our presence on the internet beyond a couple of ‘spam (what does spam mean?)’ servers in the Urals, which are effectively beyond Moscow’s control.
Speaking of control, and you comrade, erm, I mean friend, would know about this, we have had to exert more control over the press as many moles from the previously mentioned ‘social media’ sites have infiltrated the mainstream press. We must root them out, nip them in the bud so to speak.
Many have accused Russia of using our orphans as political pawns, the fact of the matter is that we can ill-afford to lose even the lowest of our citizenry. Our numbers are dwindling, many educated have chosen to move to the EU or America. We may need those orphans later to regenerate our population. We expect our population to grow exponentially, so that is why we have decided to plant flags on the Arctic Ocean floor, as the polar ice has melted (this is a natural occurrence and not due to the burning of fossil fuels we’ve sold to the world at ‘below market prices’-unless, of course, they begin to think too independently-then they must pay full-price plus a small penalty) . We will need more living space at some point in the not so distant future, so northward expansion seemed reasonable. Any other direction may have been contested, and you know how much we dislike conflict.
Oh well, I think I should now go. Your new Secretary of State, John Kerry has been waiting for almost three hours, and I am scheduled to meet him. At least you aren’t represented by a woman anymore (I know you had to do it for political reasons, Condoleeza Rice was both a woman and black) Those crazy Ukrainians had no such excuse with Yulia Tymoshenko-but she’s getting hers.
Maybe we can go hunting for tigers or elephants sometime, I would quite like that. There are so few things that us real men can do (ask Berlusconi) that is beyond the public eye. Since neither of us drink, I’ll raise my tea cup to you.
Keep walking with the Lord.
Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin
3 time (soon to be be 4) president of Russia
For an even better summary, check out this http://refusetobesilent.wordpress.com/2013/05/16/vladimir-putin-ten-years-in-power/